Wild Spirits Coaching

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Why “I Can’t Say No” Is BS

Sibylle Leon

Abstract:

Many of my clients struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries. They often tell me they’re terrible at saying No.

I used to think I was bad at this too, but these days I know that “I can’t say No” is bullshit. Your mission today is to learn why this is so, and how to strengthen your boundaries.

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Task 1: Why “I can’t say No” is BS

These days, when a client tells me they can’t say No, I’ll ask them to give me an example. It’s usually something like: “I was going to go home early and rest, and then my boss asked if I could do another evaluation, which took until ten.”

And then I’ll point out that my client did, in fact say No. She said no to going home on time and getting some much-needed rest. It’s so important to understand that our time is a finite resource. If you give it to someone at the cost of something you wanted to do, you say No – to yourself.

Task 2: How to strengthen your boundaries

I’m not pointing this out to be clever or get in your face. I’m trying to make you aware that saying No is not a new, scary skill for you at all! You’re a pro!

Obviously, it’ll still require some practice and patience until you’ll remember this at the crucial moment. Here are a few steps to get you going:

  1. Decide right here and now that when you relapse – and you will – you’ll be gentle and forgiving with yourself.

  2. Visualise yourself surrounded by an orb of glowing light. Good energy can pass this barrier freely, but any negativity – or unreasonable demands – will get blocked.

  3. Next time someone asks you to say Yes to something, resist the urge to respond immediately.

  4. Instead, stop and think of what you’d be saying No to, if you said Yes to them. Then exercise your expertise at saying No to whoever you choose.

Again, it won’t happen overnight, but it’s so worth learning this! If you need any help with it, consider working with me.